new beginnings

Hello, blog! Long time no see.

I'm now well into the 3rd year of my NYC experience.

It's time to rethink the way I've been approaching things.

"My goal has always been to have adventures. THAT'S why I moved to New York." This is what I would tell people, and myself, when asked about my career-related goals, and why I haven't made any steps forward with performance-related things. While this is a true statement in itself (I've always been restless and had a burning curiousity about what else is out there in the world), I'm now starting to think this might have been a cop-out. Something I would say to make me feel better about not living up to my full potential.

Lately I've been exploring other options (I thought about training to become a holistic nutritionist. I even thought about being a teacher, which I've always had such a huge block against). The reality of living life as an actor finally hit me full force. Growing up in Stephenville, Texas, I had such an idealistic romantic view of the struggling artist. But actually moving here and experiencing it is a different story. You see extremely talented people not getting work. You see people still wearing a poodle skirt at the diner in their 40s. Then you start thinking about aging. And realize you'll have a complete lack of security for the majority of your life, most likely, even if you are successful some of the time. It's scary.

So I think these three stagnant years have been me stalling, procrastinating, not making once decision or another. Too scared to jump right in, but not ready to give up the dream just yet. (Disclaimer: I HAVE made leaps forward in other areas of my life. I'm proud to have discovered veganism, which has changed the way I look at everything. I'm a million times healthier. I've made truly wonderful close friends. And I've done my fair share of living the NYC lifestyle.)

After considering so many other directions my life could go, I've finally realized that I DON'T want to do anything else. I have so much love for musical theatre. I still want to be a performer. A struggling artist. I'm ready to full commit to a life of uncertainty.

It's time to move forward and make things happen.